are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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