Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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