idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
