Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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