You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just high enough for therapy.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
