Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
