Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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