Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
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I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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