so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Dear god my vagina.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
