So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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