Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
