I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
