So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
