ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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