dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
