I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
