Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
In America we eat man semen.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
