i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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