how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
