I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
