oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
