I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
