I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
