Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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