oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
