so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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