someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
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I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
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I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?