and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
