Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
