Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.

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(440): View more from Ohio

It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.

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(563): View more from Iowa

even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(703): View more from Virginia

I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator

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(519): View more from Ontario

Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?

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