don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour