I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
