it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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