oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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