I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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