Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
