i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
