Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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