This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
