New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
