I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
