Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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