my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
