Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
