it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
