Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
