I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
