It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
