Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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