are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
