I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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