just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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