I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
