She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
