Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
