Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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