Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
