Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
