He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
