does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I would ride that face into the sunset
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
