I think I died a long time ago.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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