i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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