i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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