Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
