Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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