I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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