what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
