I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
