I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Ketchup is God's man juice
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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