Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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