There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
