They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
