wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
