I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
